Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Prop 8- The Musical

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die


Posted at 12/3/2008 4:22:02 pm by Oswuari
You were saying?  

Friday, August 22, 2008

Well my friends, the end has finally come. This blog has served me very well and I am very sad to leave it, but it simply has too much exposure. For me, my blog is for my close friends and the occasional stranger. Either they know me well enough to take all that I say with a grain of salt or they see the face that my writing reveals. I've lost that anonymity and my ability to write with real freedom. I have learned my lessons about the internet and I will be a applying them. So I leave this blog behind with true regret.

Aduie, dear friend. You have been the only journal I could maintain for the last six years.


Posted at 8/22/2008 4:49:21 pm by Oswuari
(1) repeated the question  

Sunday, July 20, 2008
il dolce suono

By Vitas

Posted at 7/20/2008 11:53:36 am by Oswuari
You were saying?  

Monday, June 30, 2008
home again

I cannot describe to you how wonderful it feels to be back in Kalamazoo. While the wedding and the memorial went fine, my extended family can be stressful for me to be around. Also, my father and I are not meant to live together. He overreacts and becomes angry over easily resolvable issues. So while I miss my mother, my friends (though the majority of them aren't home anyway), and the country, home is where the heart is and mine has settled (for the moment) in Kalamazoo.

An interesting note: My writing style seems to be rather stiff and formal these days. I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe I'm overly concious of how the writing reflects on me, or maybe writing is the only opportunity I have to use certain vocabulary!

Posted at 6/30/2008 5:22:27 pm by Oswuari
(1) repeated the question  

Thursday, June 26, 2008
i abhor


 i am alone.

  and i sit, late at night, searching for a connection
            to whom i consider home.

Posted at 6/26/2008 11:44:37 pm by Oswuari
(1) repeated the question  

Wednesday, June 25, 2008
the reason

I've been reading a graphic novel called Nothing Better. It's about two roommates journeying through college. The most interesting theme the story deals with is God. Is there one? What is a person's relationship to God? Things of a similar nature. The theme is worked flawlessly into the context of the rest of the story, which gives it a sense of true realism, of not knowing the answer. So many books give you a firm answer about belief. This story invites you to explore the concept, and through the exploration, deepen your understanding of yourself and your connection (or lack thereof) to God.

Each character has a different sense of God. Some identify strongly, others with a more nature-based relation. One character is an atheist and yet highly intrigued by the complexities of faith. I find myself identifying most with this character, Katt. The emotional rollercoaster, the uncertainty, the need to defend oneself against those who are convinced their way is the only way; yet, despite this, recognizing the beauty in creation, the sunset, the warmth of family at Christmas, the peace or joy in a carol, a hymn. I found myself humming "Silent Night," out of season.  It's something to consider. We don't always think about the overlap in secular and religious music. I feel as though as a song can be holy even if it was not written in direct celebration of Christ. Besides, let us not forget the celebration of midwinter has been around for centuries unconnected to any church.

In any case, I am sitting here listening to Cyndi Lauper's Christmas CD, and thinking about birth, purity, pain... What it means to be human, to be alive. I'm thinking about sacred things.

Cliché as it may be, I have to say it's good to be alive. It's good to be exploring.

Posted at 6/25/2008 1:55:29 pm by Oswuari
You were saying?  

Monday, June 09, 2008
the art of disclosure

How often do we consider the true ramifications of what we say? The boundaries between our lives and others are blurred the more intimate we become. Your best friend confides in you, and it feels like it is your knowledge simply because they are such an integrated part of your life. You share an experience with your lover and it IS your life... But it's theirs as well, and you have to respect their desires for privacy.

That's the line I've been straddling lately. When I thought about why I haven't been posting, it's because my thoughts have mainly been about relationships: the ups and downs, the complicated interrelatedness, the emotional bombs, sensitivity, trust. I'm going through something many people have done before and often I want to reach out for wisdom or guidance. However, I just as frequently hold back. First of all, what if I resolve the issue in my own head? Or with my partner? If people have certain impressions of a relationship, the shades and edges of it but not the core, they will judge, and that judgement will stay with them. Gossip can do ugly things to a relationship and no one but you can know your heart.

I suppose this is what it means to be a grown-up. The art of disclosure because while you might want to speak, speaking is not always best. The art of "discretion is the better part of valor." I'm not saying that I wouldn't come to a friend individually and ask for advice. I would lose my mind otherwise, because Lord knows I can't do "internalizing." No, I mean realizing that it is wiser to hold my tongue because it's not about just me anymore. It's about someone who's life is entwined with mine. It's about protecting your loved ones and giving them (and yourself) a chance to see if you are wise enough, truthful enough to work through things together.

This all implies that I have a bumpy relationship. I admit to being an emotional idiot on plenty an occasion. I also know I've not done this well before. But that's learning, and learning from your mistakes. I have felt so much personal growth in the last four months. I have grown with, and because of a person I care for deeply. That's powerful. That's worth learning the art of disclosure, or more accurately, the art of discretion.

I love you.

Posted at 6/9/2008 7:29:46 pm by Oswuari
(2) repeated the question  

Tuesday, June 03, 2008
the collection


i am painting two portraits
of my mother
of my father
and connecting them with a trail of white boxes
a select few with their lids off,
and wondering if people will see little beds
or sarcophagi.


my father wearing the worn blue
mechanics suit he has had longer than i have
lived, and i
am his daughter.


today i have been informed that
by my mother
in an indirect way
that she is old
and getting older

will be the final in
the series.

Posted at 6/3/2008 5:25:16 pm by Oswuari
(1) repeated the question  

the fragrant hills

the fragrant hills
south of the summer palace
boast a forest
that burns brilliant
red in the fall.

the color expresses joy
and wards off evil, so
people choke the highways with
taxis and cars and then they fill
the streets, a surging mass of tradition,
pilgrims for luck.

as we move briskly up the mountain,
packed shoulder to shoulder,
marching up stairs spaced
exactly nine inches apart
(representing eternity),
i wonder why these people
have come.

they stare at the black hair
in front of them and they do not
to the sides
to the trees and
only a rare few take
the worn side paths through the
flames they came to see.

it is as though ascension alone
is the peace
they came for.

Posted at 6/3/2008 4:59:55 pm by Oswuari
You were saying?  

Thursday, May 29, 2008
i see a darkness

Well, you're my friend
And can you see
Many times we've been out drinking
Many times we've shared our thoughts
But did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love, for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive, to live I won't let go
But can you see this opposition, comes rising up sometimes
That is dread full imposition, comes blacking in my mind

And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
Did you know how much I love you
There's a hope that somehow you
Can save me from this darkness

Well I hope that someday buddy
We'll have peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our wives
And we can stop our whoring
And pull the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
This isn't all I see

Oh no, I see your darkness
Oh no, I see your darkness
Oh no, I see your darkness
Oh no, I see your darkness
Did you know how much I love you
There's a hope that somehow you
You'll save me from this darkness

bonnie "prince" billy

Posted at 5/29/2008 11:51:30 pm by Oswuari
You were saying?  

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